sunday morning

i'm up at 8am. this is a first in about 5 years.
didn't go out or stay up late last night.

i'm feeling less and less happy these days. i think i have a huge capacity for joy, and my whole being is about being happy. but my built-in protection of non-thinking is deterring my being's purpose. everything's in conflict now. if i think, i'm unhappy. it's gone on long enough that if i continue not to think, i'm trapped in this state of mind, and this state of massachusetts . . .

underpaid, underloved, undersheltered, underdressed
overanxious, overwhelmed, overfed